Saying Goodbye To You
by SoulsOfStardust
Summary: Because the weight of the world's not as heavy as hearing the truth. In which, Vanya hesitates.


A/N: Here's another Diego/Vanya one-shot. The story (as was the title and summary) was inspired by Josie Dunne's _Saying Goodbye_. You'll notice that Five and Ben are both present and alive in this story at age seventeen/eighteen. That's because I like to operate in a timeline where Five returned after a year or two of being stuck in the apocalypse still aging the same as the others, and Ben only came close to death but miraculously survived. This one's a bit different than the last one since there's no dialogue, so I hope it's okay. It also moves a lot faster in a shorter amount of words. When I wrote this, I realized that I have a habit of listing things in my writing, as well! I think I'll try to work on limiting that in my stories if it becomes a problem for you guys, but no promises. Lemme know what you guys I think!

Disclaimer: I do not own Netflix's Umbrella Academy or Josie Dunne's Saying Goodbye. This is just for fun, not for profit.

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Vanya was going to say goodbye to him.

She swears it.

She got as far as standing in front of his bedroom door, fist poised to knock, but she hesitated.

Vanya had already said her goodbyes to everyone else in the Hargreaves household as the taxi waited for her outside. Although, most of her interactions with her siblings weren't as heartfelt and emotional as others. She had cried with and held onto both Five and Ben for as long as she could, while she could only offer a tight-lipped smile and a curt nod to Allison, Luther, and Klaus. She didn't bother going to her father since he was already aware of her situation and wouldn't care to see her either way, but she did give a hug to her mother and Pogo when she got the chance.

All that left was Diego.

Vanya had saved his goodbye for last because she wasn't sure what or how she was going to tell him.

She had planned her getaway for three years, not wanting to let anyone know about her intentions until she was already leaving. She hid her job at the record store down the road under the pretense of going to the library to study, her ever-growing collection of cash behind the false back in her sock drawer, her stash of college brochures in a small box on the top shelf of her bookcase.

Vanya was going to attend a university across the country, as far away from the Umbrella Academy, her horrible childhood, and her uncaring family as possible.

She always told herself she was doing the right thing. Every time she received her paycheck at the shop, a new acceptance letter in the mail, another stinging comment from a member of her family, her determination to leave the wretched Hargreaves house was cemented in her soul.

However, the kind conversations with Five, the warm hugs with Ben, the loving smiles from Diego, they all made her rethink her decision. They made her hesitate. She didn't want to leave the boys she loved more than anything in the world, especially when she knew they loved her just as much.

Vanya felt guilty each time she tucked away her new income, or checked off another item from her college preparation list, or thought about what she would be doing in her new home in the future. Her heart hurt knowing she was hiding the biggest part of her life from the boys she called family.

She couldn't tell them, though. She couldn't ever tell them of her plans because they would try to stop her.

She would let them stop her, too.

She couldn't let that happen.

That all changed when Five teleported to her room to talk to her and caught her sliding her pay stub from the envelope it was sealed in.

For the first time in her life, she saw him look dumbfounded. He didn't know what to say, and neither did she. Vanya knew he could talk her out of leaving, and she would listen to every word he said.

All she could do in that moment was cry.

The future she had diligently worked towards over the past few years was all for nothing. She would be trapped in that hellhole of a home for the rest of her life, cursed to love the boys that wanted her to stay.

What happened next surprised her. Five pulled her into a hug and held her until she calmed down. Once she could speak, he allowed her to tell him everything she felt she needed to.

Five understood. He didn't fight back, didn't tell her she shouldn't go. He knew why she was leaving, and he thought it was a great idea. He wanted her to be happy, and if leaving was what would do just that, then by all means, she should do it. Who's to say, maybe he would follow her initiative as soon as he could shrug his seeming obligation to be a hero.

Her plans were further interrupted a week later when Ben was messing around in her room with his tentacles and accidentally knocked the box of brochures from her bookcase.

The contents scattered across her floor. He stood frozen, staring at the recognizable names labeling each pamphlet.

Vanya didn't break down this time as she had done with Five. She calmly collected the papers, carefully laying them inside the box.

When she turned back to him after placing the container back on the shelf to explain herself, she was immediately enveloped in a hug and bombarded with questions of interest.

Ben was happy for her. He wanted her to live the life she wanted, and the only way to do that would be to leave this life behind. He wouldn't deprive her from her chance at starting over and being happy by asking her to stay. He knew he could never follow her example, but maybe he could live vicariously through her success and happiness.

Vanya didn't tell Five nor Ben when her last day at the house would be, which was only a few months away at that point. That meant they had to make the most of their time with her before she left.

Besides Sir Reginald, Five, and Ben, no one else in the Hargreaves household was aware that they would be one member short within a brief period of time.

It would remain that way, too.

Vanya never told Diego. She wished every day with all her heart that she could say something, anything to him. The guilt pulsed through her veins like a drug, and the shame pounded in her head like a migraine. She was tempted to relinquish control of her tongue and let Diego know everything that was going on inside her brain.

She couldn't bring herself to do it, though.

No matter how many times his smile, his voice, his touch drove her mind crazy and drove another knife in her heart, she couldn't let him change her mind.

God only knew what lengths she would go to make that boy happy.

Life went on at the Umbrella Academy the way it always had until the night before that it wouldn't, the night before Vanya's flight was scheduled to depart with her onboard.

Her suitcases were stowed away under her bed away from prying eyes. She sat cross-legged on her bed, peering over at her violin case resting on her desk. She was more than ready to leave the house she could never call a home in the almost eighteen years that she had lived there, and yet she still felt hesitant.

There was that word again. Hesitation had become a recurring facet that plagued her plans of escape since the beginning. She couldn't let this opportunity to leave slide through her fingers, though. Nothing would get in her way, not now when she was so close to freedom.

Unfortunately, her resolve that had hardened beyond destruction just a moment before suffered a hairline fracture as a familiar figure slipped into her room.

Shit.

Diego quietly closed the door behind him and made his way over to her bed, taking a seat on its edge. He didn't face her, but rather stared at the ground instead. He fumbled his hands in his lap, his fingers no doubt missing the security and familiarity of a knife. His body slightly trembled as he rambled out the words that he needed to tell her something.

Silence swallowed the room.

Vanya patiently waited for him to continue, but when she figured that no response was going to follow, she opened her mouth to speak, as if she had any idea of what to say in a situation like this. She was promptly cut off by Diego's stuttering voice.

Three words stumbled from his lips.

Her rock-hard resolve completely and utterly dissolved in that moment as if it had never even existed.

Her mind screamed for her to push him away, that if she got too close she wouldn't be able to get away from him again. Her heart cried for her to pull him as close to her as she possibly could and never let him go.

Vanya didn't hesitate for a second in saying the four words they both wanted to hear.

What came next was undoubtedly the best night of her life, which would unfortunately give way to the worst day of her life.

The memory of his lips, his hands, his body, all molding with hers haunted her as she quickly packed away her belongings in the taxi, as if she would lose her nerve at any moment. His kisses had intoxicated her, his touch had sent a buzz through her body, his voice had made her head spin. Now that she had fallen rather painfully and abruptly from her high on cloud nine, she realized that it was a mistake.

She would never know how he managed to choose the night before she left as the night he would confess his feelings for her. It was almost unfair, like the universe was sending her a big FU and fate was laughing in her face.

How was she ever going to leave now when Diego, her Diego, was here?

Vanya tried to remember why she was leaving. All those years of being forgotten and mistreated by her supposed family was more than enough reason to go, and yet…

_And yet_.

She screwed her eyes shut and shook her head as she slammed the taxi door closed. She couldn't hesitate anymore. This was what she had been planning for _three years_. She couldn't stop now.

Perhaps that's why Vanya left the academy that morning without saying goodbye to Diego.

Perhaps she knew that it would have been the hardest thing she would ever do in her life.

Perhaps she knew that if she had tried, she would have melted into his arms and forgotten why she had gone to him in the first place.

Perhaps she knew she couldn't have seen him without changing her mind, without wanting to stay.

Vanya was going to say goodbye to him.

She swears it.

She got as far as standing in front of his bedroom door, fist poised to knock, but she hesitated.

She shouldn't have hesitated.

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Hope y'all enjoyed!

~SOS~


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